I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
