Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
