No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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