It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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