So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
