accomplished twins. life is a go
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
