Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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