I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
