Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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