her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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