im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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