some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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