My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
