I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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