I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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