and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
