I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
