there's paper in my vomit.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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