lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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