I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
