how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
