You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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