That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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