fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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