She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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