watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
