i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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