Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
