This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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