Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
