Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
