Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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