I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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