i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
