all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
