Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She needs sedatives and a leash
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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