so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
operation have a gay friend backfired
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
