Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
