You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
