I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My feet surprised me
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