I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
