somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
