yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
