did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
