my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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