So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
