Operation Purity has been aborted
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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