Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
