dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
