I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
